Are We Sure This Is My Life?: Dear 2013

Dear 2013,

You were one strange and wild ride. You and I began the very first day with strep throat and the second day we had a break up with an insane chef. By the end of the first week I was preparing for my stepmother's funeral. She is now in heaven.

Your month of love led to a month of frustration as one of my best buds told me how he really felt about me. (Insert Miguel singing Frustration) Next, your month of green and spring break caused me to pause, sit still and think. Yikes! I continued to question my own decision-making with life in general but kept working on the adoption process until all paper work was lost by the adoption agency. The month of green was starting to make me feel blue.

For my 44th birthday, I got the flu. You also brought back the 'Big Bad Latino Wolf' who tried to hook up with me again. Luckily, my rose-colored glasses fell off and so did he... right off his pedestal. Thank God that trip is finally over!

In May, Shirley from 'What's Happening' was reincarnated. One of the best girlfriends I've ever had gave birth to a beautiful little girl who happens to have Shirley's fro.

Next, I was off to the Dominican Republic to play maid of honor for my friend who had once told her boyfriend he better propose so they could be my future child's God parents. After returning from the Dominican I went on an interview not because I wanted to leave but because I thought I needed to leave.
Unfortunately, you had us say goodbye to one of the sweetest dogs to ever walk this earth. Our English rose, Cali left us. She is now in heaven.

In June, Mommie Dearest was off to Paris with her bestie, and this inspired me to go after things I've always wanted. I began exercising and eating healthy like a crazy lady to go after those things I wanted, but this would pay off in another way down the road.
Flag day was celebrated with the birth of my Jazzy Monkey, my little brother's first-born child and my niece.
I also got the best news ever, my boss resigned and moved on to another school. Woo Hoo! God kept me at this school for a reason...I just know it is for something bigger.

For our independence month together I visited my first Hookah Bar and loved it. Thanks to your hot summer temperatures I burned myself at the pool and found a lump during one of my self lotioning routines. The doctor told me last December it was scar tissue. No worries.

However, I said goodbye to my Aunt Elizabeth. I can not watch Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer and see home chair hair dryers without thinking of her. She is now in heaven.

The hottest month of the year was met with my little brother graduating with his Master's degree. He is an amazing young man. In less than 5 years, he graduated from college with a bachelor's degree, married, buried his older brother, buried his mother, sold a house, bought a house, became a father, and now has his master's degree to become a principal. Can you tell I'm proud?

We also celebrated Mommie Dearest's 65th birthday. I thank God every day that she is still alive and here with me. He has truly blessed me with that woman.

Unfortunatley, we ended the month saying goodbye to our dear JW. I can not see the weather channel or coupons without thinking of him. It scares me to think he is really gone. I can't admit it to anyone, but I can't accept his death. He is now in heaven.

Over this summer, I told God..."It is in your hands. You want me to be a mother. You take the lead. I'm pooped from trying." After all I was taking care of my physical health and being very serious about it for the first time in a long time. God would work his plan for me one way or another. I had faith!

Well wouldn't you know it, in September, I found out that God had another plan for me. I received an unexpected text about donor embryos for me to carry my own adopted child. What a miracle! Now time to get a check up, and besides that stupid scar tissue has gotten bigger, and when I called the gyno for an appointment they said they could not see me until December 27th. Uhhhhh No! This has to be done now since the couple said I would be a good choice to adopt their embryos. I also need to shake this third visit from Strep Throat. It just won't go away, and it is making me so dang tired.

October, October, October you came with some scary shit! I still can't shake this strep/breathing problem. I wish tired was the word to describe me. It is more like exhausted, fatigued, weary, etc. As we all know these are the prices to pay to be a teacher.

I gained the role of God mommy which came in an ironic and uncomfortable event all in one day.
There was a young (and appeared to be in good shape) teacher who worked with me. She suffered from migraines too. She had a stroke during surgery. She is now in heaven.

Halloween. Eeeek! You were one scary MoFo! The "scar tissue" turned into a mass in addition to an inflamed lymph node. As of today, I know in my gut my life has just changed forever. I also know God hasn't left me. I know this in such a deep way it could never be put into words. However, I would never expect those that I loved so much to be the ones to leave me.

November you were a lifetime of lessons in one sweep. You and Robbie brought Tony Robbins into my world, where I discovered a lot about myself. What I am capable of believing and desiring. You also gave me a new title, Cancer patient.
I refused to own it.
I refused to say it was mine.
I was determined to listen to God, my body, and only positive thoughts and prayers.
November, you brought me an enlightenment that was touched and blessed by God. You brought someone home safely from Mexico. You brought him and my other familia, or at least a part of them to me again. You brought me true friends, and removed the less sincere ones. You gave me strength during the birthday month of one of the strongest women I know, my grandmother Inez. You gave me blessings and favor from God I didn't even know how to ask for. I'm thankful!

Oh, December. You can be a cold month. The coldest for some. For me it was a mixture of emotions, heartbreak, and forgiveness.
I had the cancer removed completely from my body.
I had the love of some amazing people shine on me.
I also had my heart broken.
I had family who refused to contact me during my recovery from surgery. They lived less than five miles away from me and would not even text me. I had friends who refused to even acknowledge me...healthy or not.
People who said they would "be there" I have not even seen.
December, you have been painfully cold, but this too shall pass, and I will, I must, keep a positive attitude and say thanks for the timing of cancer's visit. There is never a good time to receive the diagnosis of cancer, but mine was Christmas time.
Maybe the timing was to slow me down.
Maybe it was the universe's way to show me who cares and who just can't.
Either way I kicked cancer's ass, and I'm not through yet.

So over all, 2013, you've been nice, you've been ugly, you've been joy filled, you've been heart breaking, you've been a blessing, BUT it is time for you to go!

Thanks for the memories,