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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Your 2013 Accomplishments...Congratulations!

Thank you to all of those who have read and supported my blog this year. Your comments, emails, and texts are so supportive.  To show my gratitude I wanted you to "star" in this entry, but I kept your contributions private. Thank you for sharing your personal triumphs & biggest accomplishments in 2013 with me.  Obviously, I know some very interesting people.
Here's wishing you a kinder and more joy filled 2014!

 1. Staying out of the nervous home
 2. Getting to teach and coach high school
 3. Not having baby #5 despite the new R. Kelly album...he got me twice already
 4. Getting off of my blood pressure medicine
 5. Discovering food sensitivities then losing two pant sizes
 6. Paying off my car
 7. Retiring after 29 years of teaching
 8. Passing my teaching certification test
 9. Completing my masters program
10. Having patience with dramatic people

Nervous?

 11.  Starting my own business
 12.  Not choking my little sister
 13.  Read a book
 14.  Biting my tongue
 15.  Being honest with myself and learning it's OK to not have every one's approval
 16.  Just loving and being OK with me
 17.  Accepting myself the way I am
 18.  Completing my certification and becoming a teacher
 19.  Finding comfort and success professionally
 20.  Getting to know the real me



Bite that tongue!
 21. Staying with my wife
 22. Leaving my wife
 23. Not getting pregnant
 24.  Getting pregnant
 25.  Saying 'NO' to on line dating
 26.  Dating a great guy from on line dating
 27.  Watching every episode of 'Breaking Bad' before the finale
 28.  Becoming a foster mom to a great pup
 29.  Completing 3 half marathons
 30.  Becoming independent and finding myself again

It happens. 

 31. Just being happy in general...too bad it took getting divorced to do that
 32. Keeping my first born alive so far
 33. Forgiving people
 34. Telling people off
 35. Quit smoking
 36. Quit smoking crack
 37. Letting my child get arrested instead of covering up for them
 38. Slept with my first white girl
 39. Realizing at the end of my life I only have to answer for my actions/reactions not other people's
 40. Admitting I was in love with someone after fighting it for too long


White girls that give the rest a bad rap...

 41. Enrolled in college
 42. Had the courage to go through knee replacement surgery
 43. Getting back on the track, running and not dying
 44. Supporting my daughter through her battle with cancer
 45. Not giving my roommate's dog away
 46. Getting one step closer to adopting our little guy
 47. Proposing to my partner and planning our wedding.
 48. Putting one foot in front of the other
 49. Getting an acceptance letter from the college of my dreams
 50. Graduating college without an STD

Congratulations!






Monday, December 30, 2013

Dear 2013


Dear 2013,

You were one strange and wild ride.  You and I began the very first day with strep throat and the second day we had a break up with an insane chef. By the end of the first week I was preparing for my stepmother's funeral. She is now in heaven. 

Your month of love led to a month of frustration as one of my best buds told me how he really felt about me.  (Insert Miguel singing Frustration)  Next, your month of green and spring break caused me to pause, sit still and think.  Yikes!   I continued to question my own decision-making with life in general but kept working on the adoption process until all paper work was lost by the adoption agency.  The month of green was starting to make me feel blue.

For my 44th birthday, I got the flu.  You also brought back the 'Big Bad Latino Wolf' who tried to hook up with me again. Luckily, my rose-colored glasses fell off and so did he... right off his pedestal. Thank God that trip is finally over!



In May, Shirley from 'What's Happening' was reincarnated.  One of the best girlfriends I've ever had gave birth to a beautiful little girl who happens to have Shirley's fro.  
Next, I was off to the Dominican Republic to play maid of honor for my friend who had once told her boyfriend he better propose so they could be my future child's God parents. After returning from the Dominican I went on an interview not because I wanted to leave but because I thought I needed to leave.  
Unfortunately, you had us say goodbye to one of the sweetest dogs to ever walk this earth.  Our English rose, Cali left us. She is now in heaven.


In June, Mommie Dearest was off to Paris with her bestie, and this inspired me to go after things I've always wanted.  I began exercising and eating healthy like a crazy lady to go after those things I wanted, but this would pay off in another way down the road. 
Flag day was celebrated with the birth of my Jazzy Monkey, my little brother's first-born child and my niece. 
I also got the best news ever, my boss resigned and moved on to another school. Woo Hoo! God kept me at this school for a reason...I just know it is for something bigger.

For our independence month together I visited my first Hookah Bar and loved it. Thanks to your hot summer temperatures I burned myself at the pool and found a lump during one of my self lotioning routines. The doctor told me last December it was scar tissue. No worries. 
However, I said goodbye to my Aunt Elizabeth. I can not watch Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer and see home chair hair dryers without thinking of her.  She is now in heaven.



The hottest month of the year was met with my little brother graduating with his Master's degree. He is an amazing young man. In less than 5 years, he graduated from college with a bachelor's degree, married, buried his older brother, buried his mother, sold a house, bought a house, became a father, and now has his master's degree to become a principal. Can you tell I'm proud? 
We also celebrated Mommie Dearest's 65th birthday. I thank God every day that she is still alive and here with me. He has truly blessed me with that woman. 
Unfortunatley, we ended the month saying goodbye to our dear JW. I can not see the weather channel or coupons without thinking of him. It scares me to think he is really gone. I can't admit it to anyone, but I can't accept his death. He is now in heaven. 

Over this summer, I told God..."It is in your hands. You want me to be a mother. You take the lead. I'm pooped from trying." After all I was taking care of my physical health and being very serious about it for the first time in a long time. God would work his plan for me one way or another. I had faith!
Well wouldn't you know it, in September, I found out that God had another plan for me. I received an unexpected text about donor embryos for me to carry my own adopted child. What a miracle!  Now time to get a check up, and besides that stupid scar tissue has gotten bigger, and when I called the gyno for an appointment they said they could not see me until December 27th. Uhhhhh No! This has to be done now since the couple said I would be a good choice to adopt their embryos. I also need to shake this third visit from Strep Throat. It just won't go away, and it is making me so dang tired. 






October, October, October you came with some scary shit! I still can't shake this strep/breathing problem.  I wish tired was the word to describe me. It is more like exhausted, fatigued, weary, etc. As we all know these are the prices to pay to be a teacher.
I gained the role of God mommy which came in an ironic and uncomfortable event all in one day. 
There was a young (and appeared to be in good shape) teacher who worked with me.  She suffered from migraines too. She had a stroke during surgery. She is now in heaven.  

Halloween. Eeeek! You were one scary MoFo! The "scar tissue" turned into a mass in addition to an inflamed lymph node. As of today, I know in my gut my life has just changed forever.  I also know God hasn't left me. I know this in such a deep way it could never be put into words. However, I would never expect those that I loved so much to be the ones to leave me.

November you were a lifetime of lessons in one sweep. You and Robbie brought Tony Robbins into my world, where I discovered a lot about myself. What I am capable of believing and desiring. You also gave me a new title, Cancer patient.
 I refused to own it. 
I refused to say it was mine.
 I was determined to listen to God, my body, and only positive thoughts and prayers. 
November, you brought me an enlightenment that was touched and blessed by God. You brought someone home safely from Mexico. You brought him and my other familia, or at least a part of them to me again. You brought me true friends, and removed the less sincere ones. You gave me strength during the birthday month of one of the strongest women I know, my grandmother Inez. You gave me blessings and favor from God I didn't even know how to ask for. I'm thankful!



Oh, December. You can be a cold month. The coldest for some. For me it was a mixture of emotions, heartbreak, and forgiveness.
 I had the cancer removed completely from my body. 
I had the love of some amazing people shine on me. 
I also had my heart broken. 
I had family who refused to contact me during my recovery from surgery. They lived less than five miles away from me and would not even text me. I had friends who refused to even acknowledge me...healthy or not.
People who said they would "be there" I have not even seen. 
December, you have been painfully cold, but this too shall pass, and I will, I must, keep a positive attitude and say thanks for the timing of cancer's visit. There is never a good time to receive the diagnosis of cancer, but mine was Christmas time. 
Maybe the timing was to slow me down.
 Maybe it was the universe's way to show me who cares and who just can't. 
Either way I kicked cancer's ass, and I'm not through yet. 

So over all, 2013, you've been nice, you've been ugly, you've been joy filled, you've been heart breaking, you've been a blessing, BUT it is time for you to go!

Thanks for the memories,
Me



This entry is dedicated to those who made 2013 easier to survive.
God
Mommie Dearest
Aunt Linda
Robbie
Cam
Reiko
DelRose
Cortney
Joey, Karen, and JR
UT
Tiffanie
Toni Lynn
Mr. A
Coach M
Vanessa
and all of my amazing doctors






Wednesday, December 18, 2013

I Got A Plan, Stan!


My 5-year plan includes...

1.   Live in a cottage type home near or at the beach.
2.   Marry an amazing, open-minded, creative, and generous Latin guy.
3.   Honeymoon at Disney World
4.   Have a child before I'm 46.
5.   Be completely rid of cancer for life. *



Creative? Yes, but not exactly what I was thinking. 



6.   Drive a convertible bug.
7.   Publish book #2 and #3.
8.   Be a stay at home mom by the age of 48.
9.   Own land, farm or ranch that can be handed down to the next generation. 
10. Have a couple of dogs on that land with my husband and kids.


*I'm almost to this one, as today I found out I was cancer free. The surgery I had a week ago removed all my cancer! My next step is to find out if chemotherapy will even be necessary or if radiation is up next. 


That's more like it. 

Monday, December 16, 2013

Why Do People Run?


I have over said on many occasions, "The only way you'll see me run is if there is a knife yielding clown chasing me." I've never understood the method of running for fun, and yet I've always wanted to participate in a marathon. I feel by not doing so I'm missing out on some cool clique. The portion in 'Forrest Gump' where he just runs and runs and suddenly jogging is a fad fascinated me because I completely understood the mind set Forrest had...why?

Also, on many occasions,  I've begun the preparation part for marathon training, but I always get so involved in the special tennis shoe shopping, I end up forgetting what I was at Academy for in the first place. 
I do however walk. 
I love walking. 
Walking is such a relief. 
It is an outlet. 
Escaping the scene is a great feeling, ohhhhhh, so I guess I understand a little more now. 


People run all the time, and they run everywhere. 

We run to the store.
We run up the street for a minute.
We run when we see others running. (Common sense of course)
We run when they tell us they love us.
We run over to the neighbors real quick.
We run when we want to hit something.
We run when they want to hit us. 
We run when you tell us we're going to be a daddy.
We run when you tell us we still owe you money.
We run when we are scared.
We run to help. 
We run towards a sale.
We run when you are scared.
We run when someone we care about is sick. 

I can't run this time. Shoot. I can't even walk away.
I have to stay here and fight. 
Y'all have a nice trip now...you hear? 

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Dear Love, Dear Friend, Dear Cancer




Dear Love,
I've waited a long time for you. You finally decided to make an appearance during a really busy time, but there will always be time for you. I just wanted you to know, that I love you just the way you are. I am also thankful you love me just the way I am.
I love you,
L.




Dear Friend,
I forgive you. You may not even want my forgiveness, but someday when you need it, you now have it.
I love you,
L.




Dear Cancer,
F*** O**!
I love me,
L.