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Friday, June 8, 2012

1 Ticket To The Opera, Please

It only took me 43 years to realize I am living in the middle of an Italian know one of those exaggerated tragedies. You see my Italian familia has a special way of communicating, but nothing is simple or basic. They turn an every day event into a drama or tragedy...thus you have a live Italian Opera.

This could be why I over analyze everything that is said to me, since I have always had to interpret my own family. Do not get me wrong, I am guilty of one or two insane quotes.

The following are actual quotes from various family members and of course the translation into reality. Please keep in mind my family actually believed what they were saying and sometimes it took family meetings of siblings and/or cousins to interpret what they were talking about. Other times, or after a few years, you just caught on a little more quickly.

Quotes                                                                                    Translation/Reality

"Isn't she sweet?"                                                                    She's cute. Not so pretty.

"Oh, Mother Mary, the dog is                                                The dog is constipated.
dying right here in my living room."

"Oh! She is a little devil."                                                       She's pretty and a smart ass.

"He is so ugly!"                                                                      He won't rub my feet.

"He joined the witness protection program."                          He's dead.

"She is on drugs and BAD!"                                                  She got married to a non-Italian and
                                                                                                moved out of state.

"Mangia! Mangia! What are you? On a diet?"                       Eat! Shut up! Stop talking about yourself.

"What are you goin' to do? Eat your life away?"                    I'm not hungry & you shouldn't be either.

"He's taken a turn for the worse. We have                              They changed his meds.
to go see him today!"

"One of these days you're gonna wake up dead."                   Stop stealing my Valium/prescriptions.

"Whore."                                                                                 She left her husband.

"Well, he just wasn't ready to settle down."                            He left his wife.

"Oh please, they think they are better than us."                       Referring to someone in the family who
                                                                                                 has a good paying career and possibly a
                                                                                                 home of their own.

"The world is crazy! It's not safe anywhere."                          My newspaper was stolen.

"You're going to get a yeast infection!!!"                                 Please take off your bathing suit & hang
                                                                                                 it up. be continued

Friday, June 1, 2012

1985: SPF 8 2012: SPF 40

People love to make teachers feel guilty for their summer vacations.


They shouldn't.
Here's why:

1. Our summers haven't been defined as 3 months for several years as we are required to take classes during the summer and school now begins in mid to early August.

2. Our pay most certainly reflects our days off.

3. We spend our own money on a lot of school supplies.

4. A real teacher's day is never the hours of school. They come way before and stay long after and for a few of us, some unpaid Saturdays.

5. We play mom, dad, aunt, uncle, brother, sister, counselor, therapist, psychic, bank, fashion police, probation officer, school crossing guard, bodyguard, life coach, oh and teacher.