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Friday, December 30, 2011

The first 42...

These are my 42 truths, one for every year of far.

1. Dogs are an unbelievable source of comfort and company.
2. People tell you their problems because they do want to hear your feedback...eventually.
3. Not everyone is honest & lies will be said about you.
4. Attractive looks will get our attention, but the beauty on the inside is what makes us stick around.
5. Feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin & smelling chlorine for the first time after winter is like an awakening.
6. Food does not heal you.
7. Food can make you feel healed.
I am healed!

  8.  Humor is an absolute necessity with all things.
 9.  God/Higher Power does exist.
10. Forgiving myself is one of the hardest things to do.
11. Forgiving others is one of the easiest things to do.
12. Being selfish is sometimes required.
13. Having a drink, a cigarette and a trustworthy friend to talk with is the cheapest form of therapy.
14. Cigarettes have hurt a lot of my loved ones.

Therapy Session.

15. Cancer is the bitch I want to beat up in a dark alley.
16. Reading a great book on the beach or in bed is a marvelous way to vacation.
17. Sometimes nothing feels as good as words that begin with the letter 'F'.
18. Growing up with an Italian family makes you have a sense of humor and a few addictions.
19. Conceiving a child is a lot harder in the real world and a lot easier in high school.
20. Acts of kindness go a long way.
21. Sex is a wonderful experience that should be enjoyed and expressed but not abused.
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

22. Hugs feel great! (Especially from children)
23. Dancing & singing is a great release. Dancing & singing with queens is just down right fun.
24. Taking and keeping pictures of people and events are a great gift for many generations.
25. What you do is far more effective that what you say you were going to do.
26. Listening is more important than talking.
27  My parents loved/love me, and I loved/love them.
28. My grandparents worshipped me, and I worshipped them.

 "Lisa Michelle, I swear, you are something else."
29. Being born a female is awesome.
30. Getting dirty, whether it's gardening or cleaning salmon on the Kenai River is a great way to release tension and stress.
31. Every "girly" female should own at least a few tubes of red lipstick, pearl accessories, and lots of high heels.
32. Everyone should experience living alone or traveling alone.
33. Following your heart over your head is truly living.
34. Etiquette classes should be a semester requirement for all middle school and high school students.
35. Being told, "I love you" and telling my family every single day that I love them DOES still mean something.

The perfect shoe!
36. Having attended more funerals than weddings, I've never heard how much money they made or what they drove, in the eulogy or the toast. I've only heard them speak about love and heart.
37. Marilyn Monroe was underestimated and represents a little of each woman I know.
38. Changing or living for others is a HUGE waste of time.
39. Miracles happen every day.
40. Aries never want to grow up completely; Leos are controlling; Virgos think they are right about all of it.
41. Reading your daily horoscopes is hooey!
42. Speaking before thinking is considered a fault in some cultures.
     (Who knew?)

"I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it." - Marilyn

I look forward to discovering so much more...bring on 2012.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

And now we return to our regularly scheduled program...

There are a lot of ways to define Christmas and one way is getting something you didn't even know you wanted. This Christmas I received a box of hangers; didn't know I wanted them until I got them. They are the best hangers I've ever hung on. This Christmas I received a Nook; didn't even know it existed, and now I go to sleep every night with it.

What I asked for was nothing, and I got a relaxing time with friends and family, great naps, a lot of laughter, and of course my hangers and Nook.

I guess this is a lot like trying to get pregnant. When I first started out I had my names picked out, baby themes, and even went and bought outfits for both a girl and boy. I knew what I wanted and asked for it and waited as patiently as a child does on Christmas Eve, except I'm the one that ate too many cookies while waiting.

Finally, after off again, on again, it is time to start over. Tonight I get to return to my schedule of injections and for the first time my 'hormones' are on the right path. As long as the injections do their job, my uterus stays beautiful, and I stay stress free I might just get the "gift" I've been waiting by the tree for all this time.

However, if it doesn't come the way I asked for, I know now that getting what I least expected and loving it anyway seems to work out in the end no matter how it gets delivered.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

For Our Gentle Giant

There are 3 phases we face with our parents that are life changing and they are:

1. The first time you disappoint them and see it on their face. It's the kind of heart break you can not explain.
2. The moment they fall off the pedestal, whether your 10, 20, or 30. It's the kind of heart break you can not explain.
3. The final goodbye and having to bury them. It's the kind of heart break everyone fears.

Today, I went to my cousin's funeral. He passed away unexpectedly in his sleep on Sunday and today was the funeral. Saying goodbye to him was saying goodbye to a piece of my childhood, but the hardest part was watching my two cousins (his son and daughter) bury their father. The agony and pain they endured and have to still endure is heart wrenching.

Today's events reminded me that I will always be glad to be the person who says too much rather than not enough, because I don't want anyone to leave this earth not knowing what they meant to me. My cousin meant more to me than he will ever know, because in my autobiography that I have been working on there is an entire chapter about him, but I never told him. I should have and from now on I will.

Rest in peace, our gentle giant. We will miss your sweet voice, contagious smile, and huge hugs.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Leave the gun and take the canolli...oh and Buon Natale

I want to meet the people who are really described in the Hallmark cards, because I don't think I really know any.
Every time I look at the Hallmark cards I end up walking around to look for the Italian Family section. Never there. All I ever find are the cards that are all mushy and sweet and look like a rough draft sketch for a massengill commercial.
Where are the cards with real people and real thoughts on them?  The cards that say it with guilt, regret, tradition and recipes of course. 
Picture it...
they have to be on black paper to go with our outfits
there should be some bling
all the illustrations should have women with poofy hair and big boobs...and they should read like this...
"You mean the world to me, but if you don't do as I say next time I'm not giving you crap for Christmas, because you know you still owe me money from that bad used car lot investment from 1978.
I'm just sayin.
By the way, call your mother more and when are you going to settle down and find a good girl/boy to marry? Huh? huh? Okay.
Ti Amo. Really, I love ya. Merry Christmas. 
Don't forget the poker chips for the game after midnight mass."
When you care enough to send the very real.
I'm just sayin.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Ironic: Flip Side 'This Boy' Released 1963

I have not written a lot lately, because this has been a rather difficult holiday season for me and most people I know. Families have been torn apart, long standing friendships have been beaten up and stressed, and schedules have been so overbooked traditions have been thrown out. It happens. As for me, I was truly hoping to be pregnant by now. Unfortunately I am not,...yet.

There's a cyst here, a cyst there, meds don't work, meds work to well causing illness, yadda yadda yadda.

Since my journey began in May I have read everywhere how this trek can be emotionally daunting, but I ignored it because I was so positive. Well, 7 months later and no successful insemination , I'm emotionally exhausted and starting to over analyze everything. As I wait for the right blood work results to coincide with the perfect ultrasound image,  I'm here to officially announce I am jealous of the fertile lesbians. That's right. I said it.

You see sitting in a fertility doctor's office with all the women sitting there alone I notice they are wearing a wedding ring. Maybe once in awhile a man walks out, but he doesn't make eye contact with anyone...because we know what he was doing with his magazine in hand. However, you do see couples there, and they are the lesbians in love, they are scared, they are excited, but they always have someone there to hold their hand. How lucky they are to have someone there to hold their hand.

I'm sure there are heterosexual couples that come in together too...and it's not just another Beatles song.