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Saturday, April 29, 2017

These Are My Words Unless I Say Otherwise

Here are some of my poems I have published elsewhere…Feel free to share your opinion with me.

                            Elise (Inspired by a withering sculpture named Elise)
Pieces of me fall away when I remember asking you to stay.
I'm like beautiful Elise just wanting your love without the deceit.
Blue skies and clouds are just part of the trek.
God, please don't let my heart turn into a wall that is a complete wreck.
Elise, Downtown Greensboro




                                                           Two Pieces
Imagine two blank canvases craving color but both scared to allow the artist to begin.
Once you begin you can never turn back.
One canvas yearning obvious colors that are in your face, daring you not to enjoy them.
The other is comfortable in melodic subtle tones expecting flattery,
Both sharing a quiet confidence.
Two blank canvases with all the hope and potential any one could desire, but concerned with not being unique.
Along comes an artist who has so much art inside of them it's dripping at the fingertips waiting to be unleashed.
And it is unleashed…two masterpieces, beauty all of their own, complementing one another side by side.
Watercolors 





Music
It helps me love you
Sometimes it keeps me from leaving
Helps me to remember the good
times and why you were worth it
The words say it for me and the
rhythm acts it out
Cries my tears when I just won't and
makes me strong when I am weak
Tells my story when I didn't even
know how to write
Allows me to forgive, to forge on
Music
Playlist







48 Plus 14 days

I always post on my birthday about life lessons and experiences.
This year I was out of town… which is weird to say because I was in Houston, but since my last birthday that is out of town now. 
Recently, I have been writing a lot of poetry under another name on social media so that is what I have been cheating on my blog with for an outlet. 

Here is what I had to say about turning 48 as my poem…

48 Years =
0 Husbands
1 Pregnancy
Enough lovers
1 College Degree
4 Surgeries
4 Best Friends
Enough Jobs
2 Careers
2 Cities
5 Countries
5 Islands
3 Great Loves

So much more to do and see…Happy Birthday To Me!


Monday, February 20, 2017

20/20

You want to know what hindsight is? 
Hindsight is your own life kicking you in the ass.
Hindsight 20/20 is a polite way to say,
 "Wow! Did you fuck up, and you had the nerve to think you were right all along! HAHAHAHA!
Sincerely, Your Life"

EVERY SINGLE serious relationship I have been in, the man has reached back to me (between 3 to 9 months later) to politely, "Check on you." 
Isn't that thoughtful? 
Uh, no. 



Eventually that "Check on you" text or phone call turns into a conversation that leads to him saying, "I messed up. You were the best thing that happened to me" or "You really did deserve so much better." 

Well let me say to any future men who could or will have their ass handed to them by hindsight…save your text messages and phone calls.
I know I am wonderful.
I know I am amazing.
I know I am strong.
I know I deserve better, that is why you are calling me, and I'm not calling you.




Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Forgiveness


Forgiveness is a funny thing.

We hold on to it like it's gold, yet when we receive it we forget its value so easily.

Personally, I forgive way too easily. I have the scars on my heart and my memory to prove it. That's ok though, because it must be good karma that I am creating for myself, right?

 

I wonder if I forgive easily because my memory erases the pain. I don't know.  I wonder if I forgive because I understand we are all just trying to stay above water and gain the love we desire. It's funny, or it's narcissistic of me, when people hold a grudge towards me and hide forgiveness in their back pocket, because I often think there is something really wrong with them to still be holding on to my "crimes."  

 

Maybe I'm not worthy of your forgiveness.
Maybe, just maybe, you are not worthy of mine, but I'll still forgive you anyway, because I know what you are capable of.
I somehow see the good in you through all the games in you.

 



 

Saturday, December 10, 2016

December 10, 2013

Three years ago today I was freed.
I consider December 10th my free from cancer day because I had it cut out of MY body. When everyone else thought I should do exactly what the doctors said to do, well, I chose to listen to my body, my spirit, and my heart. 

(Yes, eventually I did the chemo and radiation for a bit, but if you educate yourself on all of your options, your world opens up to so much more.  Now insert a rant about the evils of western medicine and the ridiculousness of chemo and radiation. Again, this blog entry is what I have to say about MY body and MY experience, and it is not for everyone.)

After my freedom date, I woke up and realized it is time to live. Now if you have kept up with my other blogs, then you know I have never been short of experiences or adventure, but there’s something different about this list. There’s something amazing in every day events, when you choose to live. 

In the last three years I have had the pleasure of experiencing so much, and here are just a few of them.  Living with a purpose and living by the seat of your pants is truly the best combination to live life. If this entry encourages anyone, then I can add that to my list. 


1.   I shaved my head and rocked the bald chick look. 
Rocking the bald look, see I told ya. 
2.   I took off a year from teaching to be my own boss.
3.   Tony Robbins convinced me I could do anything, so I walked across fire.
4.   I burned the hell out of my feet, but with no regrets.
5.   I lived life as a vegan, and never felt better.
6.   We flew to Pittsburgh, two of my best girlfriends and I, and spent a memorable weekend visiting Frank Lloyd Wright's Fallingwater, drank my first hard cider, and froze my rear end watching the Steelers whoop the Ravens, which happened to be Troy Palamo's last home game (whose jersey I was wearing) as well as Mean Joe Greene’s jersey retirement game. - Trust me this is a BIG deal. 
This looks photoshopped, but I promise it isn't.  
7.   I woke up in Rome on my 46th birthday.
8.   Along with loved ones, I went to service with Pope Francis and was blessed by him.

9.   We climbed the stairs to the top of the Vatican Roof and watched the sunset.

The sun on my face from the roof top of the Vatican. 
10.  We barricaded ourselves in our house in Palermo for safety at night. 
11.  I spoke and translated Italian for everyone on our two-week adventure through Italy.
12.  I hiked Mt. Vesuvius as a last minute decision.
13.  I moved and lived near the water for a year. 
14.  I fell in love.
15.  I broke down from love.
16.  And I got right back up again.
17.  My sweet corgi, Patina, crossed the Rainbow Bridge and I was fortunate enough to hold her.
18.   I moved to North Carolina.
19.  Twice, I have napped in a salt cave.
20.  I drove by myself through the mountains.

21.  I voted for a woman to be President.
Madame President and my 1 month old niece at a rally in Houston. 
22.  I witnessed the true meaning of Fall.
23.  I stood on top of Blowing Rock.
24.  I watched it snow. 

25.  I kept going. 
Look at all that adventure out there,  just waiting for this clumsy one to stumble upon it.  




Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Dear Diary, I Have A Message



Sometimes the simple moments make you wake up and realize just how blessed you are. 
Nothing particularly special or out of the ordinary happened today; it was just another day…

…but it was another day in North Carolina. Now do not get me wrong, I am proud to be a Houston/H-town/North Side girl, but something was pulling me here with the Holy Spirit OR my discernment OR my gut instinct OR whatever you want to call it, and I followed it. I stepped out of my comfort zone, and every day has been such a blessing since then.

I do love my Houston skyline. 

For the first time in my 17-year teaching career I work at a school where I have a wish list as a teacher…on my website…that parents want to buy things for the classroom, for the kids, and me.  I have so many school supplies purchased by the parents I am out of space in my room. If you know a teacher, then you know how big of a deal this is to us. 

Always in my heart.
Tomorrow I'm starting an anti-bullying team where the first focus is how safe we are and how safe we will remain. We have practice lockdowns at our school.  We have a Say Something week in honor of the Sandyhook victims. I get to make an impact on a new generation and group of kids and they want to respectfully learn about other cultures. I may even get to organize a multicultural night, which thrills me to pieces. My friend, Keisha, told me one day before I left Houston, “Go and make a difference and please teach kids that look like you about kids that look like me.” I get to do just that!

For almost 7 weeks now, every other day I have a parent emailing me thanking me for being at their child's school and giving me positive feedback about what their kid goes home and shares with them from my classroom.  Even when the parents question me, it is an intelligent conversation and they still thank me for teaching, loving, or accepting their child. I didn't know these conversations could occur.

I still have no idea what the winter season is going to throw at me since I am a girl that's been in snow once in my life while visiting Canada, but I am still willing to look forward to it, and why not?

Oh, boy. 



I was brought to tears because, I realized an ordinary day in North Carolina has been better than most of my best days in Texas.  It only took me 47 years to figure that out today.

My message is this…sometimes stepping out of our comfort zone, and walking away from the good, the bad and the disappointments of our present situation, is just the medicine we need to be happy, and you know what, if you decide to step out of your comfort zone those who need to be in your life will still be in your life and those that love you will always love you no matter the distance. 
It’s really that simple.


.


The lines aren't always straight, and the picture isn't always perfect, but man it feels like living!


Friday, October 14, 2016

Hi Y'all…Works Here Too

Apparently when you move to a new city you do things you would never do in your hometown.

In Houston, I'm pretty sure I NEVER drove the speed limit.
In Greensboro, it just seems like the polite thing to do…at least 50% of the time.

In Houston, going to the farmer's market was a twice a year event and usually we had to pack some heat.
In Greensboro, it just seems to be the Saturday norm.

In Houston, I left my backdoor open because I burned dinner and had to let the smoke out of the house.
In Greensboro, it just seems like a lovely way to experience fresh air.

In Houston, driving home at 5:45 would cause high blood pressure, cold sweat, and extreme cursing.
In Greensboro, it just seems like a great opportunity to sing along with the radio and maybe stop to take a picture of sunflowers.

In Houston, I would drive a little longer because the radio and song choices were so amazing.
In Greensboro, it just seems like no one has ever heard of any decent hip hop or rap artists.

In Houston, we could drive a quarter of a mile and experience some of the best restaurants in YOUR LIFE.
In Greensboro, it just seems like cooking at home is more appropriate.

In Houston, I am loved.

In Greensboro, it just seems like it.