I am so excited about the new movie "50 Shades of Grey" because it will finally stop being promoted and amped up all over the universe. Good grief already! I did not read the book nor will I see the movie because I've had great sex, and I do not need to borrow someone else's experience.
15 Things I Have To Say About A Movie That I Will Not See,
But I Am Tired Of Hearing About It:
1. It's 2015, so why is a woman still the only one completely nude in a movie especially about sex?!?
2. Have your own sex instead of living through someone else's experience.
3. Watch episodes of 'Sex and the City' instead, where the women are in charge of their own orgasms.
4. Spend $.50 on a piece of gum, instead of $50 on a date night about a movie that could disappoint.
5. Pass out drunk wearing a pair of Spanx...Trust me when I say you'll wake up feeling the same as if you had been tied up.
6. Make a list of your best 50 sexual experiences, and if you can't make the list, then get busy!
7. Pull or pluck 50 shades of gray hair out of your body, it will be more memorable than this movie.
8. In an era where our next president could very well be a woman, why is a woman portraying herself as sexual play toy for a man?
9. The main character is allegedly a 'thick' woman. No, Boo, she is not thick.
10. Color 50 strands of your hair gray. I love gray hair! Love it!
|Yep. Gray hair. Yum.|
11. Save your money to go see 'Magic Mike XXL' this July, then go home, close your eyes, and ravish your husband, boyfriend, or teddy bear.
12. You say you need ideas for a better sex life; the best resource is a group of girlfriends to talk to.
13. You still need ideas for a better sex life, here's a wild idea, talk to the person you want to have this great sex with...if you can have sex with them you better be able to talk with them too.
14. Don't have sex for an entire month, and then your worst lover will start looking real good again.
15. Remember sex is a lot like chocolate, it may not last forever but any amount is goooooood.
|I am literally best friends with this chick.|