I am so excited about the new movie "50 Shades
of Grey" because it will finally stop being promoted and amped up all over
the universe. Good grief already! I did not read the book nor will I see the
movie because I've had great sex, and I do not need to borrow someone else's
experience.
15 Things I Have To Say About A Movie That I Will Not See,
But I Am Tired Of Hearing About
It:
1. It's 2015, so why is a woman still the
only one completely nude in a movie especially about sex?!?
2. Have your own sex instead of living
through someone else's experience.
3. Watch episodes of 'Sex and the City'
instead, where the women are in charge of their own orgasms.
4. Spend $.50 on a piece of gum, instead of
$50 on a date night about a movie that could disappoint.
5. Pass out drunk wearing a pair of
Spanx...Trust me when I say you'll wake up feeling the same as if you had been
tied up.
6. Make a list of your best 50 sexual
experiences, and if you can't make the list, then get busy!
7. Pull or pluck 50 shades of gray hair out
of your body, it will be more memorable than this movie.
8. In an era where our next president could very well be a woman, why is a woman portraying herself as sexual play toy for a man?
9. The main character is allegedly a 'thick'
woman. No, Boo, she is not thick.
10.
 |
| Yep. Gray hair. Yum. |
11. Save your money to go see 'Magic Mike XXL' this
July, then go home, close your eyes, and ravish your husband, boyfriend, or
teddy bear.
12. You say you need ideas for a better sex life;
the best resource is a group of girlfriends to talk to.
13. You still need ideas for a better sex life,
here's a wild idea, talk to the person you want to have this great sex
with...if you can have sex with them you better be able to talk with them too.
14. Don't have sex for an entire month, and then
your worst lover will start looking real good again.
15. Remember sex is a lot like chocolate, it may
not last forever but any amount is goooooood.
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| I am literally best friends with this chick. |
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