WARNING: No Humor Nor Photos In This One

Today was my...what they now politely call the 'Well Woman Exam'.
It is in the same building as my fertility specialist that I was seeing since last July (after the quack).
I started having anxiety driving in the parking lot, just reliving all the appointments I had in the building with so much hope and eventually heartache.

I parked in the back and went around the building just so I wouldn't have to see all the couples in the fertility waiting room with their hopes and maybe heartaches too.

When I arrived on the 2nd floor, where I belonged for today, I stepped off the elevator to a waiting room of pregnant women. I gasped as if I were walking into a waiting room filled with clowns.

There they were. All ages. All races. All sizes. All beautiful.
They had swollen feet, swollen hands, puffy faces, and they were beautiful.
I wonder if they knew that?
I started crying sitting there. I did what I could to hide my tears.

I was jealous.
I was sad.
I was alone.
I was still childless.

I cried waiting for the doctor in my paper gown.

I lied there staring at a very ugly poster of external genitalia wondering why this was such a difficult task.

The saddest part of all was after I explained to the doctor why I was crying and after my exam,
she said, "Well, for next year's exam just remember we do not see pregnant patients on Fridays, so maybe you can schedule your appointment on a Friday next time."

It was like pouring salt on a wound.

I was broken hearted.
I laid there thanking God.
I went over two things I know for sure.

Before Jesus multiplied the loaves and fish, he broke the bread first.
I thanked God for breaking me.

I also know he will give me double for my trouble.
I thanked God for my trouble.

I thanked God for multiplying me, and I thanked God for doubling my blessings.